“How does your garden grow, Mary?” “Oh, not so good these days. Kids stole the silver bells, smashed the cockle shells; and when Jack died, the council cut down the beanstalk.” “Isn’t that a different nursery rhyme?” (Sigh) “Oh, I don’t know. It’s difficult to keep up at my age”
Mis-ordered a new mattress: got a mistress instead, uncomfortable to sleep on.
Peter was an unloved child: impossible to cuddle, his body covered in thorns. That’s not natural, right? Psychiatrists said it was a defence mechanism but no one really knew for sure. He’s since been adopted by Maria, the cactus gardener, she’ll know how to look after him.
Worse than the cane, out came the dreaded phrase: “Illuminate me, please do,” along with the trademark condescending smile; Mr McGovern towered over the twelve-year-old me. Caught in the shadow of this self-proclaimed genius, I’d drawn attention to myself. I should’ve kept quiet like everyone else, not expressed my ‘radical’ political theories in class. TheContinue reading “Spotlight on Mr McGovern”
*tweet tweet* *tweet tweet* “Ah, listen to the birds…” “Don’t be daft, that’s not birds, this is the digital age and that’s the sound of Twitter” “Oh…” *WHUMP Ow* “What was that?” “Facebook”
Deeper… Deeper… Cath sunk deeper into the sofa, past the crumbs and fluff, beyond the loose change and finally the tv remote. Now there was no way to switch off the Hypnosis channel.
“Owe, owe, owe!” “Santa? It’s a bit early for you to appear, isn’t it?” “Ah, Christmas is but one day a year. This is my other job the rest of the time: I’m a debt collector and you’ve been a naughty boy. Owe, owe, owe. You do.” “I’ll pay you back later.” “Break his legs,Continue reading “Santa’s Other Job”
Moonlight cast a blue glow over the desolate quarry. The chain-link fence had been cut, dusty footprints formed a path leading into the disused mine, now a forgotten storage facility. ‘There it is!’ Jed and Sam’s phone lights rested on the unexploded bomb rumoured to be stored here. Sam’s beam picked out the stencil writingContinue reading “The Joke That Bombed”