Jez pimped his car with spoilers: the bad guys crash into him but he doesn’t die.
Spoiler Alert
Loco-gardening
A design influenced by train-travel landscapes, Reg’s garden was blurred at the front.
Eco-Hecklers
” BOO, RUBBISH!”
“Why are you heckling the bin men?”
“Because we should be recycling, not throwing away.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Think of the planet and all that. BOO, RUBBISH!!”
Quiche Me Quick
Walls have ears, and these days they have eyes too. Surveillance technology is so advanced that it makes espionage virtually impossible. So, to avoid detection, the spies in this café are communicating through micro-gestures: a barely perceptible eye roll; a twitch of an ear; the clockwise movement of a little finger… all mumbo jumbo to you and me, but to Agent Yuri, he’s just ordered a quiche
Alternative Arthouse Cinema presents…
Movie where amnesiac tortoise, Schwarzenegger, suddenly remembers everything:
Turtle Recall
Away From The Pack
Rose knew she’d drawn the short straw when it came to titles, her three sisters; the Queen of hearts, Queen of clubs and Queen of diamonds were all off living the romantic high-life while Rose, Queen of spades, was down on the allotment digging a different kind of scene.
Old Tech Problems
Pete has invited Marsha to take a sneaky peek round the apartment he will be renting
“Nice place, Pete. It has an arty, antiquated vibe about it. I love… Why is there a tin can hanging from a string on the wall?”
“Oh, that’s the telephone.”
“Does it work?”
“Well, it hasn’t rung yet.”
“I’ll try,” Marsha picks up the can, listens to it. Taps it on the wall. “HELLO HELLO? Nah, the line’s dead.”
“I’d better get an engineer on to it then.”
The Coast Of Business
She sold sea shells by the seashore, primarily a small venture. But business was swift. Now she manages a large chain; ShellMart. Demand outstrips supply. People don’t care where the shells come from. We’re in a world where hermit crabs use plastic yoghurt pots as homes
Keep Music Live
It’s getting close to the 70s and the sun’s going down. I make a detour past an electricals shop catching a bit of the Moon landing on the window display of TV sets and instantly fancy a bowl of Shreddies. Ignoring this Pavlovian conditioning I take the 15 bus back to 1967, getting off at The Three Rabbits pub on Romford Road. The castle-size pub that is The Three Rabbits has long been an important venue on the music circuit. Tonight my Cousin Keith is playing, I’ve promised so many times to see him. He recommended this particular night to me.
Up until the late 60s/early 70s, being a musician was a bona fide job option. You could make a decent living out of it. All the bands had a repertoire of rock’n’roll standards, ballads, special tunes (Wedding March, Happy Birthday, etc.) as well as all the hits of the day. Some of the groups recorded their versions for compilation LPs such as Top of the Pops and Hot Hits, records that sold enough to top the LP charts. Some regular semi-pro musicians who recorded frequently for these cheapo compilations included: Reg Dwight (then, now Elton John) and James Page (then, now Jimmy Page).
Cousin Keith is a special musician and he’s put together an excellent band. Keith was making waves in the shark-infested waters of the music biz. Tonight, the record company A&R men had ventured out to see him. It’s reckoned they would have to fight to sign him, Keith was Hot Property.
It’s a hot summer’s evening, the air still, not a breeze in sight, the crowd spill out of the packed pub and on to the pavement, making the gig look even busier. I duck inside, if you’re going to see a band you really have to see them. Soak up the atmosphere. And the cigarette smoke. I forgot everyone smoked in those times.
With Keith not yet on-stage, his band brings an instrumental to a close: a buzz of expectancy ripples through the audience, cutting through the haze.
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Text: Excerpt from ‘The Playlist’, (Hard Egg Publishing 2020) available from Amazon soon
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The following video is purely an illustration of the excellent music around at the time and is for enjoyment purposes only
No Naked Flames
Observed at the diner:
“Who’s the big guy eating that massive plate full of beans?”
“Oh that’s Jupiter.”
“Is that because of the big red spot on his forehead?”
“No, because he’s a gas giant.”
“Wha..?”
“Honestly, you don’t want to be around to find out.”
