It Worked Out Okay

Pic image Helsinki Toy Museum

Dan awoke tied to a chair in a murky basement. A hooded figure stood in the darkest corner, toying with an array of well-maintained torture instruments. The figure turned round to reveal

1) she was a woman, and

2) she held a fiendishly twisted spike in her hand

She rotated the spike slowly until it caught and jabbed a sharp glint of light in Dan’s eyes. He screwed up his face in discomfort.

“This is going to hurt. A lot.” Sneered the hooded woman. “It’s a nasty way to die, the vocal cords snap first…” she said. “You see, I collect horror stories as screamed by my victims…”

Dan’s shoulders trembled. “Hehehe…”

“STOP laughing! Why are you laughing?”

“Because I collect fairytale endings,” said Dan.

And they all lived happily ever after

No Eggscuse

“Reopen the Humpty Dumpty case. Jack Horner did it!”

Police smash through JH’s door with a big red key, drag the little boy from the corner & confiscate his pie.

“Y’ got nothin’ on me,” says JH, showing his true colours: a hardened criminal disguised as a little boy.

“GUILTY” says the Judge before they even get to court.

“But how?”

The Magistrate thrusts a thumb in the pie, pulls out a plum, some eggshell & an ‘I did it’ note.

“The proof is in the pudding,” he says.

“This is a stitch-up!” complains JH.

It only takes one bad egg
to spoil the metaphor

Egg installation @Towner Gallery, Eastbourne
These are plaster eggs, not real

Bad Spirits

Daisy lovingly glued her favourite vase back together for the umpteenth time. Satisfied with her work, she returned it to the mantlepiece and went to fix supper. Left alone, the vase trembled, spun and flew across the room, where it hit the far wall.

Smash!

The vase gave a shattered sigh, “Bloody poltergeist.”

Vases photo taken in the Helsinki Museum