Jez pimped his car with spoilers: the bad guys crash into him but he doesn’t die.
Good news: the time machine lost tomorrow was finally found in 1876
Dan awoke tied to a chair in a murky basement. A hooded figure stood in the darkest corner, toying with an array of well-maintained torture instruments. The figure turned round to reveal 1) she was a woman, and 2) she held a fiendishly twisted spike in her hand She rotated the spike slowly until itContinue reading “It Worked Out Okay”
Occasionally, as a typical nuclear family, we’d all sit together round the periodic table. That’s when Father would be in his elements.
“Reopen the Humpty Dumpty case. Jack Horner did it!” Police smash through JH’s door with a big red key, drag the little boy from the corner & confiscate his pie. “Y’ got nothin’ on me,” says JH, showing his true colours: a hardened criminal disguised as a little boy. “GUILTY” says the Judge before theyContinue reading “No Eggscuse”
At times, the Universe blipped, reset itself. For the good. In one such ephemeral moment everything got funky, everyone felt better than James Brown. Everyone was James Brown. Got up. Stayed on the scene. Like a fax machine… Click. Reset. Like a sox machine… The Universe wasn’t perfect
Daisy lovingly glued her favourite vase back together for the umpteenth time. Satisfied with her work, she returned it to the mantlepiece and went to fix supper. Left alone, the vase trembled, spun and flew across the room, where it hit the far wall. Smash! The vase gave a shattered sigh, “Bloody poltergeist.” Vases photoContinue reading “Bad Spirits”
Police now believe that Juliet tricked the love-sick Romeo into taking his own life by employing a dramatic Shakespearean misdirection plot-twist device, or a ruse by any other name
“How does your garden grow, Mary?” “Oh, not so good these days. Kids stole the silver bells, smashed the cockle shells; and when Jack died, the council cut down the beanstalk.” “Isn’t that a different nursery rhyme?” (Sigh) “Oh, I don’t know. It’s difficult to keep up at my age”
Mis-ordered a new mattress: got a mistress instead, uncomfortable to sleep on.